DREAMS THAT NEVER LIVED TO WALK.

Having joined the University, Joanne's biggest dream was to work hard and smart to achieve her school set goals by pursuing a bachelors degree in Business management. Innocent, ready to conquer the world and go back home change her parents life was all she dreamed.

Her head was forever buried in her books . It didn't talk long before her innocence and focus was tripled by a tot of Gin and before she could blink ,all that there was of her dream became a nightmare. Joanne fell in love with a man who loved partying and so her life was lived from one joint to another, party after party . Her love for John blocked everything in her life.

"I never knew that how people treat you is how they feel about you. Falling in love for the first time ,having no knowledge of the reality for I've watched and read so many romantic movies and novels ,I thought and believed that is  how love should be,"Joanne narrated. 

She believed in the Romeo and Juliet's love life and that is what she served expecting to get that in return. All she wanted was a smooth love life,she wanted trust ,freedom but for her,being in a relationship with John was like a prison,she was prisoned by her own love ,her efforts to make things work out for her. Fighting day and night to make things work out was  all in vain. The more she tried to fix the crooked areas the more it became a loosing game for her. She even involved God but she didn't have the insight to discern what God was trying to tell her. Joanne just wanted a man who was not her brother or father to love her.

She felt like she was in a cage but being a newbie in the 'field of love' she thought this was how it should feel and that didn't bother her.John would talk negative things about her amongst his friends in her presence and she thought it was okay that he was just trying to make her change her habits which John didn't like. To Joanne it was okay for John to have power and complete control over her for she believed in the adage,"a woman should answer to a man" . She had no voice. 

" I was raised  that a woman should be submissive to her man and to how I understood this is that a woman should bow when a man talks and a man is never wrong that which a man says is final and there shouldn't be any arguments or comments. Being submissive to me simply meant that a man has the final say ,I later came to learn that it is  very much okay to talk.Speak your mind ,you have a voice and so you also deserve to be listened to," Joanne said.

"I was the toxic one,he says. I would beg for his attention and this would make me clingy and he'd end up cursing me,throwing all sorts of shity language on me. You know it reached a point where he'd do a mistake and I'd end up apologising for my own existence,apologising for his mistakes. There was this day I caught John kissing a certain lady on our couch,(yes,we had moved in together) immediately I entered the house,the girl left. I'm not dramatic and so I just sat down and waited for him to explain he instead started blaming me for not giving him attention, that I'm always studying with my "boyfriends " and mind you I never even attended group discussions, " Joanne said

Joanne's love life started affecting her education as well as her mental stability and she started asking herself what happened, she started missing herself, the peace she had before her relationship. In as much as she loved Jonh,Joanne decided that the best thing to do was to walk away. 

"The first few months wasn't easy for me for all I wanted and desired most in the world was John,I hated how he made me feel , I missed him and would sometimes wish to call him but I decided to put me first for my mental health really mattered as I'll need it to achieve my school goals ,"Joanne said.

NEVER let a man think that you won't walk from an unhealthy relationship. 

Put you first and love you more.